Ever notice how you can be your own worst critic? You wouldn’t dream of speaking to your best friend the way you sometimes speak to yourself, yet somehow your inner voice gets away with murder!
Self-esteem is how we see, value and feel about ourselves. It’s not about thinking we’re amazing every minute of every day or believing we’re perfect. It’s about recognising that we’re human, we make mistakes, we have strengths and weaknesses, and we’re still worthy of kindness and respect.
Where does low self-esteem come from?
Low self-esteem can develop through difficult experiences, criticism, rejection, bullying, relationships or constantly comparing ourselves to others.
Social media doesn’t always help. It’s easy to scroll through perfect holidays, spotless houses and people who apparently wake up looking like they’ve stepped out of a magazine, while we’re sitting in yesterday’s pyjamas eating toast!
Remember, we’re comparing our everyday reality with somebody else’s highlight reel.
Let’s talk CBT!
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps us understand how our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are connected.
For example:
Situation: Your manager doesn’t comment on a piece of work you’ve completed.
Thought: “They must think I’m rubbish at my job.”
Feeling: Anxious and inadequate.
Behaviour: You avoid contributing in meetings because you don’t feel good enough.
But is that thought actually a fact? Could your manager simply be busy or distracted?
A more balanced thought might be: “I don’t know what my manager thinks. I’ve put effort into my work, and I can recognise my own abilities without needing constant reassurance.”
That’s CBT in action!
Three ways to give your self-esteem a boost
- Challenge your inner critic
When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m useless”, stop and ask:
- Would I speak to someone I love this way?
- What evidence do I actually have?
- Is there a kinder, more balanced way to view this?
- Celebrate the small wins
Low self-esteem makes us brilliant at remembering our mistakes but terrible at recognising our achievements!
Try writing down three things you’ve done well each day. Maybe you made that difficult phone call, tried something new, got out for a walk or simply got through a challenging day.
Small wins count!
- Step outside your comfort zone
Low self-esteem often encourages us to avoid situations where we might feel judged or make mistakes.
Try something small: share your opinion, try a new activity or say no when you would normally say yes. Each time you challenge yourself, you’re building confidence and showing yourself what you’re capable of.
A final thought…
Building self-esteem isn’t about becoming somebody different. It’s about learning to appreciate the person you already are.
You don’t have to be perfect, please everybody or get everything right to be worthy.
And remember, just because you think something about yourself doesn’t mean it’s true!
Your challenge this week!
Take five minutes today to write down:
- Three things you genuinely like about yourself.
- One negative thought you regularly have about yourself.
- A kinder, more realistic thought you could practise instead.
Keep your answers somewhere visible and revisit them throughout the week.
Be curious about your thoughts, challenge the unhelpful ones and start treating yourself with the same compassion you’d offer someone else. After all, you deserve a place on your own list of people to care about!