Why we get trapped in our thoughts and how to step back out of them
There’s a pattern I see all the time, in conversations with clients, in people I care about, and if I’m honest, in myself too.
It’s something so common that most of us barely question it, yet somehow we often carry quiet shame about it. As though by now we should have figured out how to stop doing it.
I’m talking about getting caught inside your own mind. Not the occasional bad day or passing insecurity. I mean the kind of mental loop that takes hold and won’t let go. One comment, one mistake, one uncomfortable moment and suddenly your thoughts begin building a case against you. Before long, you’re sitting with a version of yourself that feels incapable, inadequate, or somehow not enough.
And the strangest part? If someone you loved spoke about themselves the same way, you’d likely reassure them instantly. Yet when the voice comes from inside, it can feel convincing. Most people know what this feels like. Many of us spend more time there than we realise.
Thoughts are not facts.
The running commentary in your head, the one that tells you you’re failing, disappointing people, falling short, isn’t automatically telling the truth. Thoughts can feel persuasive simply because they’re familiar. The more often something repeats itself internally, the more believable it becomes. However, repetition isn’t proof. Just because your mind says something often doesn’t make it accurate.
A lot of therapeutic approaches rooted in mindfulness and acceptance point to the same thing: difficult thoughts aren’t the issue in themselves. Everyone has them. The suffering usually begins when we stop seeing them as thoughts and start treating them like reality.
Imagine standing in the middle of a storm and believing the storm is the whole sky. It isn’t. Your thoughts shift, move, intensify, soften, disappear. You, underneath them, remain. You don’t have to chase every thought that asks for your attention. Negative thinking can become automatic, but automatic doesn’t mean permanent
This next part matters because it’s easy to mistake patterns for identity.
If your mind tends toward criticism, overthinking, or worst-case scenarios, it doesn’t mean that’s simply 'who you are'. More often than not, these ways of thinking developed over time. They were practised, reinforced, and repeated, sometimes for years. And anything practised can be practised differently. That doesn’t mean change happens overnight. It usually doesn’t. But it does mean you are not fixed in place.
When people feel overwhelmed by spiralling thoughts, there’s often another belief underneath it all: I’ll always be like this. That belief deserves questioning. What we know now about the brain is reassuring. It continues adapting throughout life. The more often you catch yourself getting swept away by a thought and gently step back from it, the more you strengthen a different response. These tiny moments of awareness matter more than they seem. Change is usually quiet and repetition matters more than breakthroughs.
Stop trying to think your way out of thinking. This is often the hardest part to accept because it feels counterintuitive.
When we’re anxious, overwhelmed, or spiralling, our instinct is usually to solve the problem by thinking harder, analysing more, finding the perfect answer that finally brings relief. But sometimes the very thing fuelling distress is the endless mental replay. You can’t always reason your way out of overthinking while you’re trapped inside it.
Often, the most effective shift happens when you stop feeding the mind and reconnect with the body instead. Slow your breathing. Notice your feet against the floor. Stretch. Step outside. Hold something cold. Put your hand over your chest and ground yourself physically. This isn’t avoidance or pretending things are fine. It’s giving your nervous system a chance to settle so your thoughts stop driving the whole experience. Your body can often guide you back when your mind feels too noisy to trust.
A few things worth trying
1. Notice the thought without climbing into it.
The next time your inner critic shows up, experiment with simply noticing it.
Instead of arguing with it or believing it immediately, try: There’s that thought again.
No need to fight it. No need to obey it either.
2. Change something physical first.
When you feel yourself spiralling, focus on movement before mindset.
Stand up. Take a short walk. Breathe deeply for thirty seconds. Wash your face. Stretch your shoulders.
Sometimes calming the body creates enough space for the mind to soften.
3. Create a little distance.
When a thought feels painfully true, ask yourself one small question:
Is this completely certain?
Not to get stuck in analysis, just to loosen your grip on the story for a moment.
Sometimes even a small pause changes everything.
Something to carry into the week:
The next time you catch yourself disappearing into a spiral, pause for a second. Quietly remind yourself: This is a thought. I don’t have to go wherever it leads. Then come back to something real, your breath, the feeling of the floor beneath you, the sensation of your hands. You don’t have to win the argument in your head. You don’t have to fix every difficult feeling. Sometimes the work is simply remembering that a thought is not the same thing as truth. That’s often where things begin to shift. And if things feel heavy lately, try speaking to yourself with a little more kindness than usual. You’re carrying more than most people can see.
If you find yourself stuck in patterns of overthinking, anxiety, or self-criticism, support is available. We provide online talking therapy across Ireland and the UK. Speaking with someone can help you build a healthier relationship with your thoughts. We offer a safe, supportive space to better understand difficult emotions and develop practical tools for change.
Visit our website here. We offer a free 15-minute telephone screening call to see if CBT may be the right fit for you.
Thanks for reading.
Katie and Fiona,
Therapy & Co.